03 February 2011
Life is hectic, but I need to exercise more. Today I got more exercise, but my back still really hurts. I am so glad I do not have a fifth class to deal with, although if it was a Wednesday night class I would be all right.
I am now attending more to what I eat, and to my spiritual discipline and life. I have been successfully waking up to study the Bible and pray this week. It's a daily struggle, but one I am striving to accomplish. If I am not in control of my spiritual life, than what am I really in control of? Nothing.
I can see the obvious influences of my spiritual discipline; I am more attentive in my classes, more alert to spiritual things, and closer to God. I have more courage and less fear, although anxiety has a firm grip in my heart. I must rid myself of this A-type personality. And I am beginning to see the emptiness in my life, the part of my heart that I have kept from God and focused elsewhere. I have always known that I am highly addicted to Facebook and the Internet in general, and less to my computer. Since I access Facebook and the Internet through my laptop, I am addicted to it. I can tell I am feeding it because when I try to focus on God I long for the Internet.
I am also finding myself to be a more honest person, and less tempted towards deceit. I am trying to be more transparent. As always, it is a struggle against our nature and darkness.
But waking up and setting a time to read my Bible and to pray (for myself, my future husband, and my companions) is great, and is developing my character. I have also began the slow, constant, and painful battle of bringing my own distorted images, fears, and obsessions to God, for I no longer desire to be unclean and impure. I now use Facebook, the Internet, and watch two TV shows. I cannot go cold turkey, for my soul will soon go through withdrawals, and I need my computer to do work with. I just don't know what to do. God, show me.
Praying you have faith, hope, and love always,
Posted by Rachel at 9:53 PM