Future Ponderings

    I'm just sitting here, trying to unsuccessfully not think about my pending course project, which is mostly finished. For some reason I have not been motivated today. I really prefer Saturdays for my day of rest (unfortunately Sundays is usually the day that it is). Saturday is my favorite day, except in the summer when Saturday means that I am working on a busy day.
    I am pondering my future, as everyone is prone to do. I am not looking forward to graduating, yet I want to graduate as soon as possible. I really want a job, but what job? I don't know. It's like there's this job that my spirit longs for and it is somewhere off in the future. I know it subconsciously but not consciously. It's like there's a job that my spirit knows is after graduation. And lately I've been feeling more and more that I am not going to be getting a job the media, that I don't even want to be a reporter. Yet I don't want to drop my major and pick up another one. Does that even make sense? I have been contemplating starting my own business, but don't know. That's most likely where I'd go if I drop my Mass Communication degree. Or I'd become a preacher and study for that.

Maybe not, although I would like to do something like that. I really, really like researching more than anything else lately.

I seem to spend a lot of time desiring the future, which I absolutely am not sure is a good thing. Maybe if I focused on Heaven, of which I am a citizen, my home country, as opposed to Earth, then I would not ponder the future so much. I just know that I really want to get married. I didn't, at first. I thought I was willing to wait. And I am, until the right person comes along. But I hope that's soon, because I want to start building a family of my own. And it isn't wrong, and it isn't a sin.

I long to have a baby of my own. Today I saw my friend's baby going to sleep, with her smooth skin and chubbiness, and I remembered being in the nursery holding the babies while their parents are in the church service, and I just felt an ache in my arms. I have never had a baby, just seen my friends' babies, but for some reason I ached to be holding a baby. But until I either meet, or am drawn to, I'll admit I may already know him, my future husband, I will wait. But until then, I will try to prepare myself to be a wife and mother for God's glory :) That's all I can do.

And someone pointed out to make sure that I want to be a strong woman of God, not just a wife and mother. I agree! My primary goal (which I forget sometimes) is to be a woman of God who is a mother and wife. If I never marry or have children, I can still be a strong woman of God. And that is all that matters! "On Christ the solid rock I am built." 

Praying you have faith, hope, and love always,

Rachel